Hey all, Jimmy Duncan here, host of the Hookers and Shooters wrestling podcast (avaialble exclusively at facebook.com/hookersandshooters, cheap pop cheap pop). Hope the week has found you well, and I truly hope you enjoy this week’s column. Feel free to drop your thoughts and comments on the podcast’s Twitter page, @hookersshooters.
I hate writing negatively two weeks in a row, I really do. (I’m gonna chalk it up to quitting smoking, but that’s another article). But honestly, does anyone feel like there’s any momentum for WWE whatsoever going into the Rumble this year? More so than any other year, for me at least, the whole thing just feels stale and lifeless.

The card doesn’t feel strong to me, first of all. CM Punk v. The Rock had a lot of potential going in, especially after that memorable promo Punk dropped on January 7th. That segment on Raw suspended the collective disbelief, and had you (or me, at least) believing that despite the assumed title change there was a chance for a good swerve in there, somewhere.

Count on the good folks in booking to piss that momentum away. Since then, we’ve had a sing along about how ugly Vickie Guerrero is, the Rock being held out of the ring by the local police, said local police chipping in to buy ol’ Rocky a ticket, Rock getting jumped by the Aces and Eights, err…I mean the Nexus….umm, The Shield. My fault, I get them mixed up sometimes.

Punk has been hit with the Rock Bottom about 481 times since the beginning of January, making him look like little more than Dwayne Johnson’s jailhouse date, but you can bet your ass that he’ll become the Straight Edge Stud when you’re paying to watch it. You’ll be expected to believe that the guy who has been made to come off as Rock’s lesser will suddenly punk up and give this guy a true run for his money.

Good story, bro.

As for the other matches…yeah, still nothing there. Kaitlyn defending her belt intrigues me. She has become the closest thing to an actual wrestler WWE has to offer, with a style that harkens back to fighting women’s champions like Trish Stratus and Lita. I really dig that, but honestly the Divas division has been driven so far into mediocrity it’s gonna take a long time for her matches to be anything more than a bathroom break, no matter how hard she spears Layla or Alicia Fox or whatever cannon fodder they stick in front of her.
Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars could be a good scrap. Kane and Daniel Bryan have have a solid and entertaining run as tag champs, but at the heart of everything they are star singles wrestlers. I hope creative will take this opportunity to put gold on a team in Sandow and Rhodes that can use the rub to truly hit the next level, therefore letting the current champions return to better things flying solo.

Big Show vs. ADR has turned into a confetti throwing comedy routine, used to put Del Rio over as a face. Nothing more. Whoever wins this match should serve as Dolph Ziggler’s cash in, and that should be the end of it.

Then, of course, there’s the Royal Rumble match itself.
Here’s what pisses me off about the Rumble. Once upon a time, it was a really huge deal. Guys lobbied and jockeyed for their position throughout December and January, and it was a wide open field.

Fast forward to 2013. You have John Cena hyping up the big event with a riveting promo about yoga, bodily fluids and Call of Duty, a grand total of four guys (Sheamus, Orton, Cena, Ryback) who appear to have any chance of winning the damn thing, a Beat The Clock challenge with a completely anticlimactic payoff, and a impromptu battle royal featuring those three guys and a random scattering of wrestlers that you never ever ever ever ever ever see on television getting tossed around like rag dolls.

Yeah, JTG. I’m talking to you, my friend.

There’s an answer to this, though. All of this. Maybe this is the right time to create a new star. Blow everyone’s mind, and have a complete long shot win. Someone like a Michael McGillicutty, for example. I know it sounds a little nuts, but it’s a swerve in and of itself, it creates new starpower for Wrestlemania season, and it generates interest.

Ryback was new once. He generated interest. So was Rock, Cena, Sheamus, all these guys. They all started somewhere. Give a new guy a shot as it as well. Unless, of course, the New Age Outlaws are the surprise entrants/cowinners. I’d be okay with that, too ๐Ÿ™‚

Me and skidmarks187 will be watching…

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