Monday Night Raw
August 12, 2013
Sacramento, California

We start Raw right from the get to as Daniel Bryan comes out to a huge ovation from the Sacramento crowd. We go back to last week when Daniel Bryan wouldn’t shave his beard which pissed off Mr. McMahon. Then to Smackdown when Bryan defeated Wade Barrett. We open the show with that rematch.

MATCH: Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett
GM Brad Maddox is the special referee for this match. The show started kind of funny as Bryan was already on the stage and the music was half over. Almost like they were late getting to it. Weird. Not even a video introduction. Bryan works over Wade’s leg to start then throws his body around but eats a Barrett boot. Boy did he fall off the face of the earth after the IC Title loss at Payback. The crowd is particularly hot on this night to start, maybe because Bryan’s from Washington State? Bryan starts kicking Barrett, but Barrett ducks a kick and rolls Bryan up. Maddox does a crazy fast three count and a cheap win.
WINNER: Wade Barrett

Bryan is pissed and is about to go after Maddox but Brad ducks out of the ring. Bryan will be back later tonight to join John Cena on Miz TV. Also later tonight CM Punk faces Paul Heyman in the ring.

MATCH: Damien Sandow vs. Randy Orton
Two matches in the first 15 minutes. Seems like good formatting again this week, just like the bevy of matches we had last week. Cody Rhodes is at commentary with the guys. Interesting discussion dissecting the Team Rhodes Scholars friendship and what happened. As much as we love Cody, he totally admitted he would have pushed Sandow off the ladder at Money in the Bank. Doesn’t that kinda kill everything about this feud to admit that? Sandow has a new MITB Briefcase that’s a leather business case, and Sandow handcuffed it to the post to Cody can’t steal it. These two have wrestled many times and they have good chemistry. Lawler is getting on Cody’s case about this feud. Way to totally throw this feud in the toilet guys. Cody says this is about being the better man. That’s fine, but the feud is getting completely diffused. The match is pretty good with each guy getting sustained stretches. I still don’t get why Orton got the briefcase. It doesn’t add to the show or the storylines. I don’t think anybody cares about Orton anymore. Sure he gets pops for individual matches, but otherwise I think fans don’t care if he’s champion or not. Orton hits his hanging DDT on Sandow, which could set up for the RKO. Sandow ducks out and the battle heads outside. Cody gets up and starts messing with the briefcase, which distracts Sandow enough for Orton to hit the RKO and get the win. I think Sandow beats Cody on Sunday. WINNER: Randy Orton

The Shield is talking about Rob Van Dam and the battle royal later tonight to decide who Ambrose will face at Summerslam. Seth Rollins rips the entire roster and old and lazy. Reigns then offers an open challenge to any two guys for a tag team title shot at Summerslam. Ambrose says “If Andre the Giant’s ghost isn’t in this battle royal, then I got nothing to worry about.” Great line.

We have a taped sit down promo with Brock Lesnar pertaining to his match Sunday at Summerslam. Brock says he never liked Punk and this has nothing to do with Paul Heyman. He says “Sunday Punk will truly know how it feels to be victimized by Brock Lesnar.”

Josh is with CM Punk who says facing Paul Heyman won’t interfere with Sunday’s match. He does say “This is a big chess game for Paul and he doesn’t do anything without a game plan.” Punk is wearing a Randy Savage old school t-shirt tonight. Nice.

MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: The Great Khali and Natalya vs. AJ Lee & Big E. Langston
I get the AJ/Natalya thing, but why for the love of God do they keep putting Khali in matches? He can’t move, and just doesn’t have it anymore. I thought he was retiring like 4 years ago. Great inset interview by Big E putting over his match with AJ against Dolph and Kaitlyn at Summerslam. That’s a unique combination that adds something to the show. I can’t stand when PPV opponents watch the match on a backstage TV. Looks so cheesy when they’re ‘paying attention’. So lame. The match is standard. Natalya gets AJ in the Sharpshooter and she taps out? That’s fucked up. Why pull that off? WINNER: Great Khali & Natalya

Now Big E Langston attacks Khali and Hornswoggle, but Khali clotheslines Langston out of the ring. What was the entire point of this shit?

The Summerslam Kickoff Show will have Booker T, Natalya and Shawn Michaels. The US Title match will be on the pre-show too. With that we are joined by the CEO Mr. McMahon. I like Vince’s suit tonight. His jacket is the same color as one of my usher jackets I wear at church. See Vince and I have similar tastes. Of course our jackets cost CONSIDERABLY different prices. I wish he’d just walk into the ring and walk back. His promos are awful lately. We get the highlight from earlier and Maddox’s fast count. Vince says “An explanation is due. So let’s bring out Brad Maddox.” Out comes the Raw GM. Maddox is asked why he appointed himself special ref. Maddox says “Daniel Bryan matches get out of hand, so the WWE Universe needed an authority figure.” Vince says the count was kind of fast. Maddox says he might be a little rusty refereeing, but it wasn’t intentional. Vince says no apology needed. Maddox wants a second chance to referee, and he wants it to be the Bryan/Cena match at Summerslam. Of course the crowd chants no. Vince asks the crowd and we know what the answer is. Vince of course no sells it and he asks Maddox if he’ll call it down the middle and not call Bryan names, which Maddox says of course. So Vince is about to make Maddox the referee when the sweet sound of Motorhead blasts through the state capital and out comes the REAL boss of the company, COO Triple H. Vince tries to cut him off but Triple H says this isn’t about dirty laundry. HHH says “Since there seems to be a lot of importance in Sunday’s match, we do need someone with authority and who won’t be intimidated to referee this match.” Triple H tells Vince “You’re not referring to Brad Maddox, you’re referring to me.” He then drops Maddox with a Pedigree. HELL YEAH! So for the second time in three years, Triple H will referee the WWE Title match at Summerslam.

MATCH: Kane vs. Titus O’Neil
So I guess this match with Bray Wyatt on Sunday is an inferno match with a different name? That’s what I’m guessing. Wyatt will win, that’s clear. Both JBL and Lawler says no one in WWE has ever been like Bray Wyatt. Hello. WAYLON MERCY! Come on guys, no selling that is wrong. Kane wins easily with a chokeslam. WINNER: Kane

The lights go out and here comes the Wyatt Family, Bray, Roman and Harper. They get to the ring and when the lights go on and Roman and Harper were about to strike. Kane was not in the ring but on the ramp. He then cues his ring post pyro.

We have a Total Divas segment which I fast forward. I’ll leave that to Ben and Jen.

MATCH: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston
This should be pretty good. Kofi is wearing long tights. That’s new. Del Rio dominates and tries to end it with a reverse superplex but Kofi kicks out. JBL says Rodriguez was a stooge and he’s better off without him. Kofi starts to make some comebacks and he have a myriad of close pins. Del Rio reverses a springboard and then cranks the armbar and Kofi has to tap out. WINNER: Alberto Del Rio

We get a video package on Christian and his career. Very nicely done, I wonder why. Maybe he’s retiring? Probably overthinking it. He doesn’t beat Del Rio Sunday.

After that Renee is with Christian, and he reflects on his great career and he says he will get that one more match Sunday and win. Del Rio comes up behind him and speaks Spanish, whatever he said.

TAG TEAM MATCH: The Real Americans vs. The Usos
Zeb Colter does his usual anti-Sacramento crap. His promos are terrible now. These guys beat the Usos last Monday as the tag division does seem to be heating up. The Usos have been a consistent presence the past few months and will probably be the team that beats Reigns and Rollins. I think they will accept the challenge and win at Summerslam. I know a few people I’ve talked with aren’t impressed with the Usos moveset but I think they work well in the ring and are basic enough they can blend with anybody. It’s a standard TV match with bodies flying everywhere. The Usos win with a roll-up to even their series at one apiece. WINNERS: The Usos

Back from break and that annoying toad Miz is in the ring, so it’s time for Miz TV. Time to introduce our Summerslam main event participants. Out comes #1 contender Daniel Bryan, who got screwed out of a win earlier in the night. That is followed by the WWE Champion John Cena. Bryan is pleased with the development that Triple H is the guest referee. Cena babbles about Triple H being the best choice, blah blah blah. Miz asks Cena about his issues with Daniel Bryan. Cena says “The issue is simple, the WWE Title.” Cena says he picked Bryan because he’ll give a hell of a fight. Miz turns it around to Bryan saying that “hell of a fight” is Cena code for “you’re looking at the lights.” Bryan threatens to punch Miz, then tells Bryan there’s no respect here. Bryan says “Cena you’re in this for the glory and the fame, not for the wrestling.” He calls Cena “a parody of wrestling”. He says when he steps in this ring there’s nobody in the ring better than him. Cena takes his shirt off for some reason. He says “You almost got me. I’m not a parody. We’re out here for the same reason. The WWE Universe.” He does the same babyface line about the spotlight and battling every night and doing it for the fans. He concludes “You have the gall to call me a parody. I’ve heard it all, five moves of doom, etc.” He says talks about being proud of what he’s done and what he’s become. He mentions a Make-a-Wish kid he met during the day. Cena almost broke down during it. He tells Bryan “Doubt me. Everybody else did, and they all went down.” Bryan still feels Cena doesn’t respect him. He tells Cena that he’s not taking this match as seriously as he did ones against the Rock and Shawn Michaels. He talks about a Japanese tradition where an opponent he doesn’t respect gets slapped in the face. They stare at each other, and Cena dares Bryan to hit him, actually hitting him first. Bryan doesn’t bite. Out comes special referee Triple H. He talks to Cena, but Cena pushes his arm away. Then out comes the guy who doesn’t belong, Randy Orton. He comes out and holds up the MITB briefcase. Jesus, who the fuck cares about him? He ruined what was a pretty awesome promo between Cena and Bryan. I didn’t totally do it justice because I couldn’t keep up. Check the promo out on wwe.com.

MATCH: Fandango vs. R-Truth
They have a dance off before the match. Of course Fandango blind sides him to start the match. Summer Rae has this half dress half lingerie outfit on, pretty hot. He gets thrown out of the ring and that’s it. So it was a dance off and not a match. That was a waste.

Back from break and IC Champion Curtis Axel is with his advisor Paul Heyman who’s taping his fists. Heyman says he’s having second thoughts about his match with CM Punk.

20-MAN BATTLE ROYAL TO DECIDE #1 CONTENDER FOR UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP
Our participants are Rob Van Dam, Tons of Funk, 3MB, Ryback, Primetime Players, Justin Gabriel, Wade Barrett, Real Americans, Usos, R-Truth, Fandango, Great Khali and Mark Henry. I’m probably missing someone but it doesn’t matter. Ryback eliminates Gabriel, then Darren Young. I got everybody, so WWE fucked up. Oh wait, Kofi. Haha. 3MB eliminates an Uso. Jimmy I think. Cole confirms it’s Jimmy. R-Truth eliminates Fandango. So that earlier segment meant something. Fandango gets back in the ring and throws R-Truth out. Ryback eliminated Khali during commercial. Other guys got eliminated during the break but no one cared enough to give us the details. Titus O’Neil is eliminated. Then Kofi’s gone. RVD gets the crowd going but he eats a Ryback clothesline. RVD and Henry are the only two faces left in the ring amongst many heels. Henry eliminates both Real Americans. So its Barrett, Ryback, Henry and RVD. Henry eliminates Barrett. Ryback is on the apron and RVD boots him in the face and Henry spears him to the floor. So it’s down to RVD and Mark Henry. RVD goes to the top rope but Henry crotches him. He falls to the apron. Henry charges but RVD pulls the top rope and Henry hits the floor. Wow. RVD vs. Ambrose at Summerslam. WINNER: Rob Van Dam

Mark Henry gets back in the ring and congratulates RVD on the win. Then of course the Hounds of Justice come down the ramp. They’re about to get in the ring and back comes WEEEEEEEEEL IT’S THE BIG SHOW! Big Show comes back full beard and all and the Shield duck away. Will it be Henry and Show facing Rollins and Reigns at Summerslam. Yeah that’s what I like, a nice hoss tag team.

MATCH: Paul Heyman vs. CM Punk
Heyman has no music but he just comes down with taped hands and half his suit still on. Heyman grabs the mike and tries to start the CM Punk chants. He says “Your worshippers are waiting for you.” Heyman doesn’t blame Punk for what happened, he blames the WWE Universe for what happened. He says Punk lived for Heyman’s emotions and opinions, but now it’s the WWE Universe’s acceptance. He admits to everyone this is indeed a trap and it’s a conspiracy. He had a co-conspirator. He brings out Brock Lesnar. Heyman prepares a gift for Brock and it’s a video package of Punk getting beat down by Brock. So Paul springs the trap, it will be a handicap match. So he asks Punk to play the hero for his audience. After some silence, the music plays. However no Punk. Yet after a few seconds Punk comes from the crowd, grabs a camera and smacks Brock in the back with it. WINNER: No Contest

Punk throws Brock outside, grabs a chair and starts swinging. Paul is alone in the ring and Punk goes in with the chair. Paul starts running away and out comes Curtis Axel. He and Punk brawl on the stage and Punk gives him the GTS. Brock is dazed and with that we’re out. Does Punk win Sunday? Now I’m not sure.

SCOTT’S TAKE: Not a bad show to get you ready for Summerslam. I like HHH as the guest referee for Cena/Bryan, who by the way had a great promo. I can’t believe the RVD/Ambrose match is on the pre-show. So stupid.

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